A Amos 'N' Andy Parody
Kingfish says- "Holy Mackerel Andy !
Hey Andy, Amos went out looking for that mixed up Tiger Woods.Its seems as though Amos is trying to counsel old Tiger but Tiger will only listen to that other Negro Charles Barkley. You know that big fat one, Sir Charles they call him likes to chase de white women like Tiger.
Andy Replies- I think Amos has a new escort service of Negro women and he's is going to see if old Tiger might be interested in a fling with some of de women in his new business. I hears Tiger pays well Kingfish !
Kingfish says- Andy I wish Amos much success in his new business adventure. Andy Ah ! What's the difference between that mixed up-golfer Tiger Woods and old Santa Claus in the de north pole ?
Andy Replies- Well Kingfish ! You know old jolly Santa Claus knew when to Stop after three HOE'S. Hoe ! Hoe ! Hoe ! Andy says: Kingfish ! What was Tiger and his wife doing out at 2: 25 a.m. in the morning?
Kingfish says- They was out clubbing Andy ! Well Andy ! I don't think we Negroes is supposed to be feelin sorry for old mixed-up Tiger because he avoids de Negro women like they has the plague. Old Tiger don't like de big big butts and rhino hips. We real Black men like de big butts and rhino hips. We's never like de white girls flat butts, narrow hips, and thin ape lips.
Andy says-Yeah I knows ! Old Tiger don't care for our kind.He don't give any of Golf Scholarships to any of those Negro or Puerto Rican kids in de Harlem Children's Zone. Those kids in the Harlem Children's Zone would like to go to Standford and play Golf just like Tiger. I reckon he's a sell out. Sure enough !
Kingfish states- Andy, Tiger ain't no equal opportunity adulterer, he only likes de most debased white women. I just think that old Tiger is mixed up and still confused about his ethnic/racial identity. Andy you ever hear of the "One Drop Rule " in de United States of America ?
Andy says- Yeah that one drop of Negro blood I hears of it !
Kingfish says- That de one drop blood rule is still de view of de silent majority in America. I was ah wondering would that One Drop Blood Rule apply to U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana ? I's don't believe none of those folks in Louisiana could pass de One Drop Blood Rule test. Most of those "Crackers" down in Lousieana got kids by some Negro women. Hell they been rapin, sexually assaultin and forcing sex on de Negro women since da days of Tommy Jefferson, and before his time.
You knows those Crackers are always saying we's inferior so why in the sam hell would you want to have sex with an inferior being. Damn it Andy I tell you those "Crackers is hypocrites.They's holding us Negroes back with one hand and bustin down de Negro women's back door with de other hand.
Andy says- Yeah you's right Kingfish ! Sure enough Kingfish ! Those " Crackers think our women is extoic savages always in heat. Why's de want ta hav sex with a savage who is inferior to then ? And that goddamn Tiger said he wasn't Black.Hell he ain't know"Peckerwood"
Kingfish says- Tiger said that he was a Cablinasian.
Andy says- Ah Kingfish Ca blinasian sounds like a Chinese Gumbo dish made in New Oleans.
Kingfish says -Andy You knows this is de first time they's havin a Black Christmas in the de White House since Warren G. Harding was in de White House back in 1921-23. Holy Mackerel Andy! You know de old boy Harding died in office and I believe that de Government may have poisoned him or it might have been his wife. Andy boy ! They's tell me that old boy Warren G had more affairs than that young whippersnapper Bill Clintin.
Andy says-Yeah I hears he was real busy around de White House and de misses stayed upset and she may have poisoned him.
Kingfish states- Andy de democrats called Warren G. Harding every kind of "Nigger" in de book when he was running for de office of de Presidency. Andy says- Sure enough Kingfish ! So he was a Negro ?
Kingfish says- My Pappy was a janitor in de Colored School back over in Ohio when Warren G. was a student.Yeah the school was for only colored students. Shucks Pappy said there was a lot of light skin students just like Warren G. in attendance at de school. Andy you know old boy Warren couldn't find work in Ohio in 1884 so he crossed over into de white race. Many of de Negroes that are passing says that they are Cuban, Indian, Hawiian, Mu.lla..to, Spanish anything but a Negro just like old mixed up and confused Tiger Woods. That Negro up in Harvardland Bill Gates says all us Negroes claim we gat Indian blood but we's lying ta cover-up for some white man in our family tree. Pappy knew this old colored man from Washington D.C.that used ta date old Warren G. Harding's sister Phoebe Caroline. Phoebe taught in de same colored school in D.C. all her life. De colored man told pappy that Phoebe never got married because she was afriad that if she had kids they might have Kinky hair like her's.
Andy says- Sure Enough !Harding crossed the color line I'll be damned. I wonderin how does Bill Gates up in Harvardland know's we all is lying about our Indidan blood. He can't test every "Boot" can he ? My great gandmother was a member of the Jigaboo tribe in South Carolina.
Kingfish says-Yeah Andy! Warren G. Harding had ancestors from Africa on both sides of his family.Warren G. never denied his Negro blood he just claimed he couldn't be responsible because one of his Great Great Grandfather's jump de fence with a Negro women.
My pappy says old Warren's great great grand-father was a West Indian Negro.
Andy says- So Warren G. was a Negro from West Indiana ?
Kingfish says- No Andy ! De West Indies is in Jamaica
Andy says- What part of Africa is Ja..maica in ?
Kingfish says- De Islands boy ! down near de Cuba. Where Batista lives !
Andy says-This is de first time we's can be dreaming of a Black Christmas since Warren G. Harding.
Kingfish says- Yeah Andy I is hoping for a Black Christmas in de white house this year.
Andy says- Well Kingfish ! Why do's people say Barack O'Drama is de first Black President ?
Kingfish says- Well Andy my good brotha ! They's been trying to cover-up Warren's death for these's years and de boy's on de Madison Ave. in New York found out that de America people could be sold and duped on de idea of an first African-American President. De big Boys in de marketing Department of Goldman Sachs, and Obama's other sponsors and friends on Madison Ave said they found a unique story of Black guy from Chicago who was Harvard Educated with white mother from Kansas and a father from Kenya.That's how de Obama brand was made.
Andy says- No'Drama is not de first Black President so we's been duped and super tricked. And he was born in Kenya land in Africa. Kingfish you think that old bastard Bernie Madoff had anything to with the making of the No'Drama brand on Madison Ave ?
Kingfish says- The boys in Hymie Town knew that they could control de media since that's where de Obama brand began on Madison Ave so de corporate media spoon feeds de America people this big lie about Barack Obama being the first African-American so they folks in Hymie Town and de crowd in AI PAC can control de White House. That Jew Madoff got away with that mess for years because those other Hymie's on Wall Street and in the (SEC) which is top-heavy with Hymies gave Madoff a free pass.
Andy says-So No'Drama is de first Jewish President in de United Sates ?
Kingfish says- Yeah Andy ! Rohm Emmanuel is really de guy calling all de shots and Obama is just out front for show. And you know old Rohm Emmanuel is a Israeli Defense Commander. So you know where his loyalties lie ?
Andy says- De land where Jesus Christ was born. I was sittin here hoping for a Black Christmas and now Kingfish you tells me that de folks in Israel and Hymie Town have hijacked my Christmas and country. Kingfish! that's just to much to swallow in one day.
Kingfish says- It should be obvious to a fool that Obama did not have de typical Negro experiences for someone his age growing up in de inner city USA. It is reflected in his thoughts, his books, and his actions. If de Negro folks think this Madison Ave. made Negro Obama is going to bring up raced based issues to de forefront, y'all's crazy.In de unlikely event Obama wins a second term, he will not bring de things that Negroes care about de most. Rev. Jesse Jackson was right about Obama always talking down to Negroes while bowing and cowtailing to de white folks jus like my friend Stepin-Fetchit. That's what Booker T.Washington did and Obama's just like a rattlesnake. Obama is a light skin Stepin-Fetchit who went to school up in Harvardland. Andy you knows you can never trus de Negroes who been in the masta's house along time they's forget's they's one of us. You know those House servant Negroes is always looking after de masta and his interest.
Andy says- Kingfish you's saying that No'Drama is jus full of flash, dash and eloquent speeches, but he's not a game changer.Was' up wid O'Drama !
Kingfish says- Dat Negro Caucus can't even get a meeting with Obama and he is be-set with many problems and de Negro problems in America will not be solved by him.
Andy says- Sure enough Kingfish ! I's wishing everybody a very merry and Black Christmas.
Kingfish says- Andy do you think that Amos scored with Tiger Woods ?
Andy says-I hears that Tiger's mother-in law likes big black men also. I hears all the "Gray chicks from Swedenland likes Black men
Kingfish says- Merry Christmas Andy ! Me and Sapphire will be dreamin of a black Christimas. Sorry Mr. Bing, the hell with your white Christimas.